Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been around here much. As a Pundit, I hope to compose at least two pieces a week, but recently I was confronted with a challenge that has kept me quite busy, and until now, unable to write. I wanted to explain what it is I'm going through, as I'm sure a few of you have been here before.
So, it was about three months ago that my husband and I bought a lovely house closer to his work, so his commute wouldn't have to be as long. I painted, patched, and otherwise worked on the old house, readying it for sale, and labored on the new house, in which I was trying to create a home -- that was until one night when my husband came home from work and announced that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be married any longer. In shock, I moved into the new house, having no idea if I would still be married thereafter.
After a week, the second shoe dropped and it turned out he was seeing someone else, same old, tired story, different cast and characters -- mid-life crisis, married too young, who the hell knows. This announcement came two days shy of my 27th wedding anniversary-- not a real celebratory event it turns out. I was devastated and exhausted from the move. It took me days before I could eat or sleep.
After the initial shock wore off, I decided that somehow I would not make this harder on my son than it needed to be. I vowed to not fight in front of him, upsetting his sense of security, nor would I allow myself to bad mouth his father. I prayed constantly to stay calm and to maintain this illusionary semblance of normal until my soon-to-be ex could move out and finally grant me some peace. We made the announcement to our son and slowly began to untangle 27 years of marriage and living together. Did I mention this was hard? Yep.
Seven weeks have now passed, and after being a stay-at-home mom for several years, I am employed part time and interviewing for a secondary part time job at a nearby university. I am through most of the grief, with the help of many good friends and a sister who would not leave my side. I'm now moving forward in every way possible. My ex asked if I wanted to move into an apartment so I wouldn't have all of the housework and landscaping care, and I thought about it and answered, "No."
I spent months working on this house, designing and organizing every facet of it, and I didn't want to now let it go. Besides that, I didn't want to move for the second time in two months. It's a beautiful home, and it's my home for now. I want to stay in it for the years at least until my son turns 18 (4 years from now). Then, who knows what I will do. It's kind of exciting to think of the possibilities.
Today, I noticed the lawn was getting shaggy, and although I have never mowed and edged before, I did the work myself. I'm learning that I can do a lot myself. It's empowering and keeps me knowing that I will survive this -- not just survive, but thrive and grow.
I wanted to include a photo of the front lawn for all of you to see that it's mowed, and I'm just fine, relaxing inside, sipping an iced tea in my home.