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Today, here in my neck of the woods, I am alone for awhile, sitting here with my lap top, listening to music, looking out the window and thinking about a variety of things that effect my life, many that effect other Americans, and some that effect every human on the planet.
It’s a ‘droop nootie’ day; grey, with drizzly rain, but mild temperatures (50 degrees) and I reflect on how lucky I am that I am not caught up in the mid-west’s cold, where people in double digits have died from that cold, and families are suffering; but it doesn’t change my mood of melancholia.
I miss my little brown fur baby who died last month, as she would have been curled up and sitting beside me right now, and there is that empty place where she used to be.
I despair at how little we are doing to impede the damages of climate change - the destruction of food from the ocean, the dearth of water, and how at least one corporation is using that to buy up water that should be for everyone; the damaging weather that will hurt my children and their children; our current government that is unwilling to even try to do something about it.
I reflect on how fortunate I am to be in a warm environment, with electricity, food in my cupboard and refrigerator, while so many are doing without. My appeals to my government, my support of agencies who try to help others, and even my life’s work, don’t seem to make enough of a dent, for there seem to be too many whose greed and lust for power keeps causing hurt and even death to so many.
I remember the naive beliefs I used to cherish when I was very young - that humankind would throw off racism, sexism, bigotries of all kinds by the time I was the age I am today, and I feel so disappointed that we seem to continually circle back into the same old miseries.
I think of how important it is to keep my energy up, remain optimistic, love what I have and not bewail what I don’t have; but this day I can’t seem to manage it, so I am allowing the grief, the feelings of despair- just for a while - even though I know that my fighting spirit - what my mother used to call my rebellious nature - will exert itself again soon. I wish for so much better for myself, my family, for all of us!
So for today, I am sharing my melancholy, my understanding of how small and human a speck that I and my energy represent in this vast universe that can be so wonderful at times for some of us, but so awful at times for so many.